Journal 4

Version 1
The cows stand
under the trees in
the wet grass,
lifting their necks
to pull leaves down.

We slow the truck,
pull over to the side of the road
to watch them.
How graceful they look,
how unlike themselves.

We get out and
lean on the fence.
The cows don’t seem to notice
we are there.

In this version traditional stanzas make each section feel like its about something important. The first is the cows, the second how the speakers view them, the third about the existence of both entities.  The rhythm is slower then the prose but faster then version 3.  I think it captures the serenity of the situation better then the other versions as well.

Version 2
The cows stand under the trees in the wet grass,
lifting their necks to pull leaves down.
We slow the truck,
pull over to the side of the road to watch them.
How graceful they look,
how unlike themselves.
We get out and lean on the fence.
The cows don’t seem to notice we are there.

This version of the poem uses only end stop lines for each line.  It gives the poem a feeling of finality, every line ends with a thought and pause.  It also makes the rhythm much more straightforward, almost how a cow is a much more straightforward creature.

Version 3
The cows

stand under the trees in the wet grass, lifting their necks to pull
leaves down.

We slow the truck, pull over to the side of the road to watch them.

How graceful they look, how unlike themselves.

We get out and lean on the fence.

The cows

don’t seem to notice we are there.

In this version the line breaks and single stanza’s emphasize the cows as something much more unique then they are in the other poems.  The disjointed nature makes the rhythm much clunkier and makes pauses frequent.  It also gives more weight to the more mundane lines of the truck stopping.

Journal 3

Version 1

They told me not to adventure in this dungeon
but screw them.
I’m as dumb as the boy in class eating glue.
Now I’m cornered like a mouse in an angry Nan’s larder.

Evil gleams in the creatures eys like hot fire
Its mouth hangs agape with a hunger like a starving village
Hot breath burns my skin like fire
his teeth sink into my sword arm like a greedy fire engulfs wood.

Pain shoots throughout my body
The flame like feeling lick their way from the wound to my arm
The howl from behind me tells me that this one is not alone.
Well at least I wont be a fool for long.

Version 2

They told me not to adventure in this dungeon
but screw them.
I’m as dumb as a man who argues with his wife.
Now I’m cornered like a sad dog in the kennel.

Evil gleams in the creatures eyes like lighthouses guiding ships home
Its mouth hangs agape with a hunger like a bear in the spring
Hot breath burns my skin to cinders
his teeth sink into my sword arm like a greedy man digs into coin.

Pain shoots throughout my body
an agony like the burning hells seeps from the wound through my body
The howl from behind me tells me that this one is not alone.
Well at least I wont be a fool for long.